Things We Don’t Talk About

We interrupt the regularly scheduled sarcastic/happy/random/baby-related daily musings  that appear on this blog for an important message. One I’m not entirely at all comfortable talking about, but maybe that’s why I’m putting it out there.

WARNING: It’s long. And graphic. If you’re having a good day or are in a particularly good mood, save this post for later. Because it’s a total downer and I don’t want to be responsible for ruining your day.

Okay? Are you sure? Alright…you’ve been warned.

Over the last two days, I’ve read a handful of posts that have stirred a few emotions I’d long ago put behind me.

On Being an Object, and Then Not Being an Object - Finslippy

It should be said - Mom-101

Speaking up for Gray – Frema

Why I Talk About Rape – xoJane

I encourage you to read each of those. If not now, please do so after. This post will make so much more sense.

And now for my story.

When I was 15-almost-16, I had my first kiss with a boy my same age. I’d met the boy through church and we spent an entire year as boyfriend and girlfriend. We never had intercourse, but we took advantage of every moment alone, pushing the envelope as far as we could that year.  And we went REALLY far. As two metal-mouthed, acne-ridden virgins, we agreed that we would “save” the one lewd act we hadn’t committed for our wedding night, which would undoubtedly take place some time after we’ve both graduated from high school.  As most teenage romances go, we never even made it to senior year. I was devastated, and spent most of my junior and senior years holding onto the hope that we would someday get back together, despite his new blonde cheerleader girlfriend.

Graduation came and went and before I knew it, the summer was over and I was unloading my things in a dorm room the size of a walk-in closet with my best friend. A couple weeks later, I returned home for a party one of my friends was throwing at her house while her parents were away. Most of the party-goers were friends of hers that lived in the neighborhood; kids I’d never met before. But the real reason I was there was because I’d heard that the ex-boyfriend was expected to attend. And he did, but with blonde cheerleader on his arm. Of course. I spent most of the night showing off for them. Trying to show how “cool” I was by taking shots (maybe 2 or 3) and flirting with pretty much anything that moved. And just like a wolf can sense fear, one guy at the party sensed my weakness. He flirted back, and then he took it a few steps further. Before I knew it, we were making out, and it felt so great to have someone pursue me and make out with me, when the alternative would just be watching my ex hook up with his new girlfriend. Could the ex see this right now? Was he watching and thinking that maybe this could be him instead? Would this send him into a jealous fit of rage and he’d grab this guy, knock him out, and whisk me away on his trusty white steed Ford Ranger?

Ah, teenagers. We are so stupid.

By the time I had a chance to look up and catch my breath, the ex was gone. As was just about everyone from the party. Except, of course, the guy I had been making out with. He told me he lived down the street and his parents wouldn’t miss him so he was planning to spend the ENTIRE night with me. Oh goody. Feeling exhausted and needing a place to sleep, my friend said it would be okay if we slept in her sister’s bedroom. (I hadn’t told my parents that I was home that weekend, for fear I’d have a ridiculously early curfew, so I had already planned on crashing there.) We took a blanket in the bedroom, except one of us didn’t have plans to sleep. Things got more intense once the door was closed. I remember letting him take off my pants, already feeling like I’d let things go way too far. I mentioned concern over going this far because I was a virgin. Stating this was a HUGE mistake because it only made him more excited and determined. When he started to take off his pants, I remember saying “Wait a second, we are NOT having sex.” His response: “Why? I’ve got protection.”  I laughed, as I tend to do when I get nervous, and tried to explain that no, I’m a virgin by choice, and this was not happening. I barely knew him. Then the begging and negotiating began. “Please? It’ll be fast. It won’t hurt, I promise.”  I denied him more than a few times, but I never got up. I was frozen. Then with his hands on my knees, he slowly but firmly pushed my legs apart. I don’t know why I finally gave in. Maybe it was the fear of causing an argument. Maybe it was the fear of not being liked anymore. Maybe it was a combination of exhaustion and the emotional turmoil of seeing the ex that night. I don’t know, but I do know that I finally said, “Fine, but make it fast. You’ve got 30 seconds.”

And that’s all it was. Maybe less.

I saw him again a few days later, and we did it a couple more times. Those times were voluntary, but only because I couldn’t live with the fact that I had just let a complete stranger take advantage of me. No, he was going to at least be a guy that I’ve dated for awhile, maybe even be my boyfriend, if only so I could sleep at night. Things didn’t last long though. I could barely tolerate looking at him. Just the sound of his name made me want to vomit. Fortunately, I was four hours away at college and he had plenty of other conquests to occupy his time so it was pretty easy for us to go our separate ways.

Did I consider what happened to me “rape”? No. Like most women, I blamed myself. I had led him on. I put myself in that situation by being too flirtatious. I didn’t scream or kick. He didn’t punch me or threaten me or hold me down. Eventually, I had said okay. I had a million reasons for why this wasn’t rape, but just some unfortunate circumstance that I deeply regretted.

But I still hated him. I still resented him for not saying “okay” when I said “no” at least a dozen times. For knowing I was a virgin and thinking it was some prize that he was entitled to take from me. A girl he didn’t know. And I wondered if he ever remembered it that way. If he felt guilty. Or if maybe he never thought of it at all.

In the last article I linked to above, the writer says this:

I talk about rape because rape is still misunderstood, even by those who have experienced it. Because when we don’t hear real details of actual sexual assaults, we are forced to believe the presiding cultural narrative, which is that rape is something only perpetrated by strangers with guns and knives. We want rape to be scary and foreign, a stranger jumping out of the bushes, because if it looked familiar, like our own boyfriends and sons, how would we keep going?

We want it to happen to drunk girls or slutty girls or girls who were somewhere they shouldn’t be because the alternative is that it can happen to any girl. That it could happen to us. But the other side of that is that when it does happen to us, we don’t recognize it. We poke holes in our own experiences, make up reasons why it was our own damn fault.

YES. A thousand times yes. I never talked to my friends about what had happened. Retelling the details in my head only made me feel like a slut, so I could imagine how my friends would react. I never told my parents either, although not long after it happened, a friend of mine had let it spill to my mom that I was no longer “innocent”. She cried, and I didn’t have the heart back then to tell her what really happened. I was too ashamed.

Several years later, I received word that the guy had committed suicide. Apparently, he went into his friend’s house, borrowed his gun, and blew his brains out. The news shook me as I was forced to recall the events of that one late summer. And immediately my mind started to make excuses for him. “Of course! He was depressed! No wonder he was such a scumbag. He was fucked up! He had issues!” And what happened between us must’ve just been another cog in the wheel for his downward spiral. And while all of that may be true, it’s not an excuse. There’s never an excuse. I spent a few days grappling with my emotions after hearing that news, but what eventually came out of it was relief and peace. He was dead. I no longer had to wonder if he regretted his decisions because he was obviously in a lot more pain than anyone realized. And though I never would’ve wished that fate on him, part of me feels vindicated. And relieved that I don’t have to endure seeing his face or his name pop up on Facebook, like so many other women who have had people from their past that have violated them just reappear into their life.

So why am I talking about this? Because it’s something I haven’t before, and like the excerpt above says, most of these “unfortunate incidents” don’t happen in the dramatic, abusive way we’ve always envisioned. With strangers and weapons and physical scars. They’re secret, shame-inducing encounters that, in some ways, may even be more traumatic.

We don’t talk about it because it makes us feel dirty and worthless. We don’t talk about it because we feel we’ll be judged. We don’t talk about it because we want more than anything to erase it from our brains. And talking about it out-loud makes it more real than anything we remember in our heads.

But now I’m talking about it. Because like Liz at Mom-101 said, “it should be said.” Girls need to understand that we’re not put on this earth to please men. That we can’t find love (or make ex-boyfriends jealous) by lying on our backs. And the fear of making guys, friends, or parents angry at us should never trump the fear of going beyond our physical intimate boundaries. More importantly, guys need to be taught at an early age, that if a girl says no – even if she’s laughing, even if she’s not kicking you or crying, even if it seems like she’s really probably okay with it – it’s not okay.

And for god-sake, understand that taking someone’s virginity is not like collecting merit badges at Boy Scout Camp. It’s not something to be proud of or brag about. That honor deserves to go to someone that loves her more than anything, and if that person isn’t you, then respect what dignity she still has left and move the fuck along.

If you’ve made it to the end of this, thank you. And thank you to all the other bloggers I linked above, and so many more, that have had the courage to talk about this sort of thing. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have said anything either.

Belly Pics

Alright, alright. I’ll concede to this whole belly pic thing.

I really thought I’d be the type to document my first pregnancy with fun, semi-weekly belly shots, like maybe this one:

But as it turns out, the last thing I want to do is have my picture taken. It also doesn’t help that it’s winter, and my house doesn’t have very good lighting, and our best camera is an 8 MP point and shoot that’s a few years old now. Actually, my iPhone camera is 8MP so we’ve just been using that. Hence the quality of these photos.

So I attempted to start these off in the same outfit, using the nifty chalkboard app on the iPad to document the week.

 

Obviously the lighting is awful so for the next one (14 weeks), I moved to the dining room for more overhead light.

Yeah, not much better. Turns out, one of the bulbs was blown when this was taken. Oh well.

And that’s pretty much when I gave up on belly shots. At least consistent ones. But just for your personal amusement, here’s one from about 18.5 weeks.

 

I know, you can’t see anything, but I still like it.

Then there’s THIS one from about 20 weeks that I can’t even believe I’m showing to you guys because OMG THE LUNCH LADY ARMS! But, I love you, so here you go.

Considerably bigger, no? And since I wasn’t really prepared to have my photo taken, you get the awkward I’m-not-wearing-a-bra-stance. It’s also taken at a weird angle because my husband is quite a bit taller than me. And when he saw me in my super tight yoga pants, belly bulging, he was all “WOW! You’re really showing! Let’s take a picture!” At least I managed to smile. Fake as it may be.

But for a more accurate account of what you might see if you know me IRL, and you’re about as tall as the Lollipop Guild,  I took this today – at 22 weeks:

And here’s another, from the other side.

 

I’m starting to warm up to the idea of professional maternity photos, since I’m obviously horrible at taking decent shots myself, but we’ll see. I kind of like these shots:

Or these:

But that would require planning, scheduling, etc. So like I said, we’ll see.

Parent Brain

I think I already know what I’m going to miss most about our pre-baby life.

Sleeping. Without a doubt. Sleeping.

This weekend was pretty low-key for us. We were in bed before midnight each night and didn’t get out of bed until after 9:30 each morning. On Sunday I even made the effort of fixing bacon and pancakes with coffee before heading out to watch one of my very best friends try on wedding dresses. (side note: I LOVE wedding dress shopping, so long as I’m not the person trying them on.) The good news is, we found the perfect dress for her. It even has pockets!! The bad news is, now all the attention will be focused on the issue of choosing bridesmaid dresses. Typically, I would be thrilled with this activity too (I haven’t been in many weddings, so I get excited about them easily), but there’s this itty-bitty problem with being 5 1/2 months pregnant that makes the whole dress-choosing process a little less than enjoyable. I don’t know yet how big I’m going to get, nor do I know how big I’ll be by the time this September wedding rolls around. Talking about and planning for a wedding that’s 8 months away is one thing. Talking about and planning for a wedding that’s 8 months away, and realizing I’ll have a 3 1/2 month old baby by then is sort of mind-boggling.

I have grand plans for losing the baby weight already (with the help of Weight Watchers) but losing weight has never been easy for me, not even on my most well-rested days. Throw in the constant needs of a newborn, some sleep deprivation, and a completely out of shape body, and well…let’s just say I’m a realist and I know this shit is gonna be hard.

And even if I do manage to meet my post-baby weight loss expectations, a bridesmaid dress isn’t typically something you can just buy off the rack the weekend before. Oh no. So what I’ll most likely end up doing is buying the same dress in a few different sizes, and hope that the return policy is friendly toward new mothers that don’t know just how jiggly their body parts will be.

Oh and did I mention I get to plan the bachelorette party? I’m super excited for it! I got a small taste of surprise party planning a couple of weeks ago when I threw the couple an engagement party (with tons of help from the groom’s SIL), but now I get to plan a party for just us girls and my mind is overflowing with the endless possibilities. But just when I start fantasizing about a bunch of girls, away for a weekend, jumping on hotel-room beds with champagne spilling and the lights of Vegas glowing in the background, that’s when I remember: Four of the five bridesmaids have or will have small children. A weekend in Vegas isn’t always something everyone can do. Or even something that everyone would enjoy.

It’s so strange, this whole parent-brain thing. I’m still used to the days when all you had to care about was making sure you didn’t overdraft your checking account. Now there are responsibilities, like tiny little people that depend on you, and husbands that aren’t exactly thrilled with the idea of being the lone parent for a couple of days. Not to mention the issue of breast-feeding and the complications that issue alone may cause. (Being a food source doesn’t exactly allow for complete freedom, after all.)

Sigh. So maybe Vegas is out.

I’m now taking recommendations on mom-friendly bachelorette party ideas. Bonus points if going to bed before 10pm is one of the main activities.

P.S. Belly pics are coming soon! I’ve had dozens two requests for them now and I only aim to please, so be on the lookout for those in a future post. That is, once I find something that simulates the feeling of drunkenness without all those pesky “not safe for pregnant women” warnings. 

Body Battles

I’m just beyond the 21 week mark (just over 5 months) now, which means this is the time for feeling “comfortable” in my pregnancy, according to my weekly BabyCenter email. Baby is about the length of a carrot and weighs about 3/4 of a pound. I’m feeling tiny kicks but nothing so strong that it hurts or hits me in the wrong place (like an arm in the birth canal, which is what I heard one blogger say was happening to her from time to time – yikes!).

I’m “beyond the first-trimester sickness, but not too big” yet to feel all the later discomforts. But then. THEN! The email said this:

“You’re also more prone to varicose veins now. As your pregnancy progresses, there’s increasing pressure on the veins in your legs.” Oh and this: “You may also notice so-called spider veins (a group of tiny blood vessels near the surface of your skin), particularly on your ankles, legs, or face.”

I was already concerned about stretch marks, but now I need to be on the lookout for veins? Ugh. (Side note: stretch marks and varicose veins do indeed run in my family. Both sides. So…that’s great news.)

But I guess the one thing I wasn’t prepared for, and what at this time feels worse than the appearance of veins, is… hmm… how do I say this politely? Well, to be blunt, the thing that bothers me most right now is… the size of my ass.

There. I said it. I mean, I understood the idea that my hips and stomach would grow. And I’ve always been a little thicker on the backside anyway, but I didn’t expect to turn around in the mirror and see my underwear get swallowed by The Great White South. Or have the fabric of my pants so stretched that it looks like my hips are playing tug of war with them.

Fellow pregnant blogger Jonniker recently posted about her underwear cutting the inside of her thighs and while mine haven’t drawn blood, I’ve gone commando more times than I care to admit, simply because I only have a few pair of underwear remaining that actually fit. Sometimes I’ll wear the tight ones to work, out of lack of other options, and find myself stripping down within 30 seconds of getting home. Same goes with bras, actually. I’m down to ONE bra that fits comfortably.

So it seems I’ve only traded my first-trimester food avoidance issues with new body and clothing issues.

And the worst part is, I still have four months to go.

 

 

Nursery Decor

I swore to myself that I wouldn’t let the gender of this baby determine the nursery theme. I told anyone that asked that we would be doing “gender neutral” so we wouldn’t have to re-do it for a possible baby #2. Yet, I find myself gravitating toward very gender specific themes. I can’t help it. The majority of gender neutral stuff out there isn’t very exciting. And I can only imagine if we were having a girl, just how hog-wild I’d be going with a chandelier light fixture and ruffled blankets.

Anyone that follow me on Pinterest knows I’ve been stockpiling nursery ideas for weeks now. Just as decorators tell you to collect photos of rooms that appeal to you to see if you sense a common theme among them, I was doing the same through Pinterest — pinning every nursery that looked unique or soothing. I had hoped to look back at my nursery ideas board and immediately see a pattern to my madness. This was not the case. We decided awhile ago that the overall theme would be “travel” but I’m not so keen on the modes of transportation theme that typically goes along with a travel theme. Instead, I prefer maps and globes with animals and bright colors. But not too bright – because that’s overwhelming. Here’s a sample of what I’ve been pinning lately:

How cute is that wall decal? Also like the neutral walls/fabrics with pop of bright colors here and there.

I have a thing for accent walls. I don’t trust myself to get a pattern like this to look this good, but I like it.

For awhile, I was leaning toward grayish tones. And since my floor color looks similar to this, I wanted to keep a visual of what gray and white stripes might look like.

I hate birds, but somehow I find myself drawn to this birdcage-like light fixture. Also love the colors.

Did I mention I have a thing for accent walls? And green, apparently.

I mentioned wanting maps in the decor scheme, yes? This would be one way. But I’m also liking the idea of a decal, like this one:

So that’s about as far as I had gotten with choosing a theme, until last weekend when we went to register at Babies R Us. One thing I’ve always loved about my husband is our similar tastes in home decor. We almost always agree on what we like/don’t like. And the only bedding ensemble that either of us liked at Babies R Us was this one:

Is it my favorite bedding ever? No, probably not. But it fits our travel theme, and has a simple color palette that I think we can work with. I’m not sold on the wall art, the hamper, the valance on the window, or the wall color in this room, but I like the bedding and the lamp. That, and I haven’t found anything better. So now I’m basing much of our theme on these colors, which, as I stated above, is now suddenly very gender specific.

But what to do with the walls? Right now, they’re stark white. At first, I just assumed I needed to paint them. Because that’s what you do when you decorate a room. You paint! But now that one of the main colors in our “theme” actually isn’t a color at all, I’m wondering if we should maybe leave the walls white and just accent with curtains and wall hangings? Or maybe just do an accent wall? I have no idea.

Who wants to come over and decorate a nursery for me?

*All image sources (except the last one) can be found on my Pinterest board. Last photo from BabiesRUs.com 

20 Weeks. Or in other words, HALFWAY THERE!

Well, here we are at the 20 week mark. Part of me feels like time is flying, but when I really think about it, I groan at the thought of waiting another 20 weeks. Then I remind myself that our “nursery” is still a spare bedroom/storage facility and suddenly, 20 weeks seems pretty tolerable. It might take me that long just to decide on paint colors.

I haven’t been very good at taking belly photos, which is probably for the better since I probably wouldn’t post them anyway. Something about my fat girl complex not being okay with posting photos of my stomach on the Internet. Still, it’s pretty apparent that I’ve popped. Or “blossomed” as one kind co-worker said to me late last week. That’s pretty much the nicest way to tell a pregnant lady that she LOOKS pregnant now. And oddly enough, I’m okay with that.

Other noticeable changes:

My boobs continue to grow, and not just in cup size. If they get any bigger, I won’t be able to shop for my bras at Victoria’s Secret anymore. Oddly enough, they don’t carry size BD, which is my abbreviation for size “boulder.”

Food aversions have mostly subsided. For awhile, I was blaming my reluctance to eat green, leafy veggies and grilled chicken on my pregnancy hormones. Turns out, I never really liked those things anyway. And as hard as I try, BBQ potato chips are not a vegetable. I need to remind myself of this almost daily.  Neither is frozen yogurt, but I discovered the secret to getting me to eat a serving or two of fruit is to stop by one of those frozen yogurt chains. I start with a base of non-fat yogurt, and load myself up with strawberries, blueberries and raspberries. Then, to make it even more appealing, I throw in just a couple of cookie toppings, and a dash of whipped cream with a cherry on top. Sure, it’s not ALL healthy, but whatever it takes to get in the good stuff, right?

Over the weekend, we decided it was time to start getting down to business on preparing for the wee one. After an inspiring twitter conversation with Alyssa, I spent an hour on Target.com registering for baby stuff. An hour sounds like a long time, in theory, but I don’t even think I made it through half of the baby categories. So that afternoon, the hubs and I headed to Babies ‘R Us and started our registry over from scratch. This approach may end up requiring double the work since I wasn’t able to see any product reviews of the items we scanned. So I’ve replaced my “register for baby stuff” action item with “check out reviews of baby stuff I already registered for and make changes if necessary.” Oh efficiency, how you elude me so.

But I guess the most exciting development so far has been feeling the baby move. I swear I felt him for the first time around the 12 or 13 week mark, but it only happened a couple of times. Lately I’ve been able to feel him every day, multiple times a day. I can’t tell if he’s doing flips or if those are kicks/punches, but it’s a really cool feeling in the lower part of my stomach. The last couple of days I’ve started putting my hand on my stomach to see if I could feel him from the outside, and this weekend, I did! And I’m pretty sure it was a kick or punch, not a flip. I’ve been anxious for the hubs to feel him too so the last couple of days, he’s been putting his head on my stomach to see if he could hear anything and sure enough, the little guy kicked him right in the ear! I can only imagine that the movements will just get more pronounced and powerful, and I hope I never get sick of it.

 

 

If I were to get married again…

…I would totally have a Pinterest-inspired wedding.

One of my bestest buds is getting married this fall and I’m so jealous of all the cool wedding inspiration she has, thanks to Pinterest. So that got me thinking. If I had it to do over again, what would I do?

Maybe some save-the-dates like this one?

 

Perhaps a giant letter for guests to sign, like this one:

And how cute would these cookies have been at my bridal shower?

If Pinterest had been around, I’d have known about these nifty heel savers:

I’d have also put these cute stickers on my shoes:

And if we hadn’t jetted off for the honeymoon at o’dark thirty the morning after, I would’ve totally done a mimosa bar like this one.

Or at the very least had a smores bar the night before, maybe after the rehearsal dinner.

Yeah, I’d have a pretty kick-ass Pinterest wedding.

(All images/sources/links can be found on my Pinterest board here.)

 

 

Do More

I’ve never been much on new year resolutions. Most of the time, they’ve always been related to losing weight, eating healthier, working out more, etc. With a baby on the way, I’ve given myself permission to forego that mindset. If I want to eat a cheeseburger or have a cup of full-fat ice cream, I will. The female mind is already guilt-stricken enough, and I’ll have plenty of pressure to rock a post-baby body later this summer (thanks for nothing, Victoria Beckham and Miranda Kerr) that I’m just not going to stress about it right now.

Instead, I’m trying to take a more holistic approach to my fresh start. I’ve wavered back and forth between two phrases that really speak to me, and I think I’ve finally settled on one. The first one I considered was “be better.” As in, “be a better wife, friend, employee, etc.” But that wasn’t enough. Sure, the concept was simple, but it wasn’t the battle cry I needed. Instead, I decided “do more” was a better fit for me. When I wrote my 2011 recap post, one of the questions was “What do you wish you’d done more of?” and part of my answer was “more doing things.” Ambiguous I suppose, but true. I feel like I’m constantly taking in information, contemplating a mental to-do list, but rarely spitting anything back out in the world. So what do I mean by “do more”? I mean a lot of things.

Do more…around the house. While I watch TV, I could be folding laundry. If the filtered water container in the fridge is empty, take it out and refill it instead of waiting for the hubs to do it. It’s really not as much of a pain in the ass as I seem to think it is. When I think of something that needs to be done, do it. I have a bad habit of talking myself out of doing something, or getting something, simply because it’s upstairs and I’m downstairs and don’t feel like putting forth the energy to do it right that second.

Do more…at work. It’s getting to the point in my career where if I want to be recognized for doing great work, then I need to be more aggressive about it. I have a bad habit of getting comfortable in what I do and just keeping quiet. I don’t enjoy the rat race so I’d much rather sit back and let others get the glory for whatever it is they’re doing. And until the last year or so, this has worked out quite well for me. Until I became so quiet that people pretty much forgot I worked here. And that’s not good. So I’m going to change things up by doing more good shit, and then talking about it. But first, doing more good shit.

Do more…for friends. Friendships, like all relationships, require effort. I don’t think I’ve been terribly neglectful in this area, but I could always do more.

Do more…activities. This could be anything from cooking to scrapbooking to taking more photos to organizing to trying new restaurants, going for a walk, reading a book, exploring new music, or traveling. Anything at all, really. It’s so easy to get caught up in the familiar, to where every day feels like Groundhog Day. But if I just set my mind to doing a new activity every few days, I’ll have a long list of small accomplishments to show for it by this time next year.  I’m not going to pressure myself to read 12 books, or try a new restaurant every week, or start meal planning for an entire month. Those goals always leave me falling flat and feeling unaccomplished. Instead, I’m going to leave the possibilities open and endless, and just do a better job of documenting my progress.

Here’s to doing more in 2012!

Christmas Recap Part 2

Let’s see, where was I? Oh yes, we left Friday and traveled about 8.5 hours eastward to spend Xmas with the in-laws, just like every year.

I didn’t get a picture of our SUV, packed to the gills with presents, but we came to the conclusion that there is absolutely no way in hell we can pack a giant suitcase, a dog, a baby AND all its baby stuff and still manage to fit presents in the car. So next year will be the year of giftcards.

Anyway, we weren’t at my in-laws’ house five minutes before the hubs asked if he could tell his parents that we’re having a boy. I had big elaborate plans to have both of our parents open their gifts, not knowing what to expect, and be completely surprised by the news. It was a good idea in theory, but Christmas was still 2 full days away and I knew the hubs was just too dang excited to keep quiet for that long. So we told them, and later that night when hubby’s sister and her two kids came over, we told them too. Everyone was definitely excited for us.

Christmas Eve was spent running a few errands with the in-laws in preparation for the huge gathering coming over on Christmas day. We also dropped by hubby’s uncle’s house to see all of his animals. It’s like a petting zoo over there. Cows, horses, chickens, rabbits, dogs, turkeys, and a potbellied pig by the trampoline.

See? Pig + trampoline. Not kidding.

Oh and the cows aren’t just pets. They’re future steak dinners. Sad, but true.

Later that night, we sat around sipping my father-in-law’s homemade hot chocolate while watching Home Alone 1 and 2. A classic Christmas experience.

And if there was ever a family that goes overboard on Christmas, it’s this one. I had to go to the second floor just to get this shot, which STILL doesn’t capture all of the presents.

Of course, when you’re celebrating with a family of more than 15 people, this doesn’t seem as extreme. But still. Ridiculous, right?

Christmas morning was spent getting ready, eating breakfast, and cleaning for company. Both of hubby’s sisters celebrate with their own kids in the morning, go to church, and THEN come over for present-fest #2, which typically starts around noon. My parents even made the drive this year to partake in the craziness. After all, they’ve heard me talk about it for years, so it was time they see it for themselves. And I’m so glad that they did. About 5 minutes after they arrived, I had my parents open the first present – the ornament announcing that we’re having a boy. My mom’s reaction was priceless.

And just like every year, I feel like we got way too much stuff. My in-laws gave me an entire new set of pots and pans, plus a seasoned, cast-iron skillet and dutch oven (among other things) and my husband got a ton of new clothes and some new shoes. He’s one of the few people I know that just loves to get clothes for Christmas. But one of my favorite gifts actually came in my stocking and was pretty much the only baby-related gift I received (aside from some lotion and a glider from my mom that was given to us early and a Babies R Us giftcard from my in-laws).

Looks like this baby will be a Michigan fan whether he likes it or not!

Oh and here’s the obligatory by-the-tree photo, after all the presents were opened.

One sister left shortly after meal-time. Something about having 5 kids, with two of them under age 2 being quite exhausting and needing naps. Not sure if she meant her or the babies, but I’m thinking maybe both. The other sister and her little family had a church obligation at 6pm that night, so the rest of us headed to the movie theater to see Mission Impossible 3, which I highly recommend, by the way.

All in all, I think our niece and nephew said it best when they declared this Christmas the “Best Christmas EVER!” You’ll hear no argument from me!

Goodbye, 2011

Oh the year-end recap post. I always struggle with these, party because I hate looking back on the past when I’d much rather think about the future. Also because it’s a bit overwhelming for me to try and remember what I did last week, let alone what I did 7 months ago. Still, I’ll give it a whirl using the easiest, most common Q&A that I’ve found via All & Sundry.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Uhh…well considering I’m still in the same house at the same job, I guess the most logical answer to this question for me would be: got pregnant. But if I think a little harder, I guess I also visited San Diego, spent a week in Maui, hired a professional photographer, refinanced a mortgage, planned a surprise birthday party for my grandpa, moved into a window office at work, and started using Pinterest.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?


I didn’t make any resolutions for 2011. However, I did make a “30 Before 30” list in Dec. of 2010 that I need to revisit. I don’t know that I’ll actually make any resolutions as right now my idea of 2012 exists in pre-baby and post-baby. I have plenty of plans to get shit done pre-baby, and even more things to do post-baby. But those are the buckets I’m dividing things into right now.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


My SIL had her FIFTH baby in July. We’ve only been able to visit him twice, but he’s such a chill baby. He gives me hope for our own.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit?

None.
 Though I sort of kind of count Hawaii just because it required more than 10 hours on a plane. But no. No other countries.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

A healthy baby, a promotion at work, a work-from-home husband, a new SUV.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

May 22 – Our five year anniversary and wedding vow renewal in Maui.

Sept. 8 – Our 7 year meet-day anniversary, and ironically enough, our estimated conception date.

Sept. 22 and 24 – Finding out we’re pregnant and telling the hubs.

Oct. 1 – Telling our parents the good news.

Dec. 21 – Finding out we’re having a boy!

Dec. 25 – Sharing the good news with family on Christmas

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?


Staying married. I made a conscious effort the last half of the year to be a better wife and we’re both so much happier for it. Everyone gets lazy, neglectful, and takes their partner for granted at some point or another. I’m definitely one of those people, but I’m glad to say I snapped out of it and things are better than ever.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The entire first half of 2011.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No illness other than pregnancy-related nausea, but I somehow injured my foot and spent months and months trying to figure out what was wrong with it. I spent weeks in a stupid boot, followed by a cortisone shot, which finally made things better. I apparently have arthritis in the joint, which I assume is from a previous stress fracture injury, so it still acts up from time to time and I can no longer wear heels taller than 1-inch, but all in all, I came out of 2011 relatively unscathed.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

A trip to Maui, complete with a convertible to tour the island and professional beach photos. I say this all the time, but one of the only things I never regret buying is a vacation. Every one is worth every single penny.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage, cell phone bills, gas, eating out.

13. What did you get really excited about?

Our Maui vacation, going to my first BlogHer conference in San Diego, surprising my grandpa with a birthday party, and having a baby.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Even though it came out in 2010, I feel like Cee Lo Green’s “Forget You” was played non-stop on the radio in 2011. Everything by Adele also reminds me of 2011, along with LMFAO’s Sexy and I Know It, and Stereo Hearts by Maroon 5 and Gym Class Heroes. Frankly, I’m ready for some new tunes in 2012.

The only song that reminds me of 2011 that I still love is Zac Brown Band’s Knee Deep. I played it almost non-stop when we were in Hawaii and it still takes me back to the beach every time I hear it.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:


– happier or sadder? HAPPIER!!! So, so, SO very much happier.
– thinner or fatter? Fatter. But I’d like to think that’s all for good reason.
– richer or poorer? Richer. Though not by much.

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?


More exercise, more traveling, more doing things.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Less navel-gazing, less time in front of the computer doing nothing productive (computer time is fine, as long as it’s productive), less checking of Facebook.

18. How did you spend Christmas?

Like this.

19. What was your favorite TV program?

The Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, and Raising Hope all come to mind.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?

It’s been awhile since I’ve read a book. I recently subscribed to US Weekly magazine (or as my husband calls it – Kardashian Magazine) and between those and a copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting, I just haven’t had time to read an actual book. But one of my favorites, which I read in one sitting, was Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?


I’ve been so out of touch with the music scene this year that I just don’t have an answer for this one. I haven’t downloaded an album, or even a song, in MONTHS.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?

 Super 8, Bridesmaids, Mission Impossible 3, Harry Potter

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 29 and we celebrated in Maui. We ate pizza for dinner and instead of birthday cake, I had a deep dish cookie. The hubs also bought me a gorgeous Coach purse (my old purse – not Coach – broke RIGHT in front of the Coach store).

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Even though 2011 started out pretty crappy, I have to say that the last half of the year was pretty damn awesome. So I’ll just say something like winning the lottery would’ve been one of the few things that could’ve made the rest of this year even better.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Uhhh…fashion?

26. What kept you sane?

My husband. He deserves all credit for my regained sanity.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.


I have two:

People that are bored are typically just boring people that need more hobbies.

You get what you give – at work, in life, in friendships, and in love.

So that’s my 2011 recap. We sent the last night of 2011 out with a bang by getting dressed up and dancing the night away with friends. It’s been a long time since the hubs and I have danced together somewhere other than our kitchen, so we had a blast making fools of ourselves and watching everyone else do the same.

I’ve already written about what I’m looking forward to in 2012 so I won’t repeat myself, but I will say that I’m pretty damn excited.

Here’s to 2012, friends!