Preparing for a baby is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I try to liken it to planning a wedding because that was the last major, overwhelming change I had to go through, but even that can’t compare to this. I didn’t research safety and consumer satisfaction ratings on every little thing I purchased or registered for. I didn’t read countless books and articles on how to prepare. I mostly just looked at pretty pictures, coordinated logistics, and watched my budget. I didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion and I didn’t stress about being unprepared. I just wanted everyone to have a good time.
Having a baby is SO different. I feel like there are tips and tricks to all this stuff – “mommy secrets” if you will – and I need to become an expert on babies and childbirth in just a few short months. There’s so much pressure to just KNOW everything. I read, and read, and read and I still don’t feel like I really know what to expect.
I had my first freak-out a few weeks ago after talking to a sales guy about cord blood banking. I polled friends on Facebook and message boards and some people were adamantly for it and others said they just donated without even really thinking about it. Finally, we decided we would just ask my OB. (Have I mentioned how much I LOVE my OB? I would probably eat raw onions every single day if she told me it was the best thing to do for my baby. And I hate onions.) Without even blinking she said, “Just donate.” She said the cord blood bank was so full that if we needed it for any reason, we’d have no trouble at all, and that the people who should really consider private banking are those that have an immediate family history of strange blood diseases or conditions. In three seconds we had made a decision about something I had agonized over for days. But now I’m completely at ease and confident in our decision to donate.
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
I guess my main concern is that I just don’t want to fumble my way through parenthood, but I also don’t want to over prepare for things, build up expectations, and not be flexible if something doesn’t go as planned. I’ve been reading a lot about the childbirth experience so I know what to expect, but I don’t want to read so much that I won’t be able to handle it if things don’t go as I expect. Same goes with breastfeeding. I know I want to have a regular, vaginal delivery (with epidural please) and that I want to breastfeed, but I also know that these two things are not entirely in my control and I want to maintain an open mind about resorting to a Plan B.
I should also probably come up with a Plan B. And Plan C. And plans D-Z.
But what about the things that ARE in my control? Do I take the 18-hour, six-week course on childbirth, breastfeeding and newborn care or do I just do a 6-hour newborn care class, brush up on my CPR skills, and read about everything else? At first, I had planned on taking the six-week, 18-hour, everything-you-could-possibly-know course. But then I started to think more about it. This baby is going to come out one way or the other and I don’t think there’s anything that happens in those classes that I can’t read about. And honestly, I’m going to rely on my amazing doctors to tell me what to do. I don’t care how many classes I take or how much reading I do, I will never presume that I know better than my OB. (Not necessarily the case with me and ALL doctors, just the ones I have enormous amounts of respect for, like my OB.) The same could probably said for newborn care – that I don’t really need to take a class on it – but I’ve spent so much time reading about childbirth that I just don’t think I’ll get around to reading about newborn care until, well, I have a newborn to care for. So I’ll likely take the class.
What I really need is a consolidated, 1 hour childbirth class for soon-to-be dads. Somethings that breaks it down into easy-to-understand information for them so that my husband understands exactly what I’ll be going through. I try to explain things that I’ve read, but after about 2 minutes his eyes have that glazed-over look that tells me he’s either thinking about food or sports. Possibly both. And I really don’t want to have an argument over something stupid when I’m in labor, like having him tell me I can’t possibly be in labor since my water didn’t break. Or something equally as infuriating, because I’m sure the last thing a woman in labor wants to do is argue with her husband over whether or not she is indeed in labor. If that happens, there might be more than one of us laid up in a hospital bed for a few days.
The classes were more helpful for Aaron! Guys need to know what we go through!
One good thing about labor is that Aaron was able to watch the computer screen so he knew when I was having contractions. So I felt like he actually believed me when I said I was in pain and I wasn’t over exaggerating.
Take a childbirth class together. They are almost more for him than they are for you.
Aside from that, my best advice is to stop reading and agonizing and planning. Your instincts will tell you what to do. I did some reading the first half of my pregnancy but about 5 months in, I gave up all reading, aside from the interesting little tidbits about size & development of the baby each week. It’s the best decision I ever made. Emmett is 2 now, and I still don’t read any child care books or anything. Listen to yourself, listen to the kid, pat attention and be in tune with him and you’ll be just fine. Above all else, trust your instincts.
The best advice anyone gave us was, “read everything you can, soak up as much information as your brain will hold…and then throw it out the window and do what comes naturally.” If I could even tell you how TRUE that has been! I, like you, researched everything under the sun. I read all of the books, polled all of my Mom friends, took WAY more classes than anyone could possibly need. After Lilly was born, even after all of that effort to prepare, I still felt like I knew nothing and was clueless when it came to taking care of a baby. But you know what? You learn! It is a learning experience for you as parents and for your baby as well. You will do great! One thing about the classes, I will say that I found the breastfeeding class to be much more helpful than the childbirth. I would say do the shorter childbirth if you want to do one, mainly so your husband can know what to expect, but for us the breastfeeding was the more helpful class. I’m enjoying following along on your journey and reminiscing about mine! :-)
All great advice, ladies. Thank you!
For sure the best thing you can do as a new parent is be flexible. My experience is that everything we prepared for DIDN’T happen, and instead we were faced with challenges we never knew were coming. Read and learn and prepare and plan and then…just CHILL. You will be great.