Alright so I know everyone is either a) tired of hearing about the VMAs or b) didn’t watch it, and doesn’t give two shakes of a rattle about them.
But I don’t care because I just HAVE to talk about it, just for a minute!
TOP 10 THINGS ABOUT THE VMAS:
1. Lady Gaga opened the show and was shockingly tame in her performance. And though I’m not usually one to comment on body types, girlfriend looked GOOD. She had a little more meat on her bones and for the first time I ever I found myself saying, “Damn, I want to look like Lady Gaga!” P.S. You know it’s a bad sign when Lady Gaga is one of the more “normal” performances of the evening.
2. Miley Cyrus. Tongue. Foam Fingers. Beetlejuice. Creepy Teddy Bears. These are the things nightmares are made of.
3. But thanks to Miley, I now know what “twerking” is.
4. There was a 20 minute Justin Timberlake concert in the middle of the VMAs.
5. NSYNC reunited, but if you stepped away to refill your drink, you probably missed it. JT had 20 minutes and gave those guys all of 110 seconds.
6. Kanye performed. No one cared. But Jared Leto’s intro for him was actually quite amusing.
7. Apparently there was a shortage of A-List celebs in attendance because the cameras only seemed to cut to Taylor Swift and BFF Selena Gomez, The Will Smith Family, and One Direction & Rhianna.
8. One Direction won the award for “Song of the Summer” and Twitter BLEW UP because no one knew the song, making it very clear that my circle of friends are not the target demographic for the VMAs.
9. Taylor Swift became more unlikable when she mouthed the words “Shut the f*ck up” during One Direction’s dialogue and again, when she gloated about her award and took a dig at the ex (one of MANY) that inspired her song. Keep it classy, Tay-Tay.
10. The best thing about the VMAs: An award show FINALLY got the message and didn’t force us to sit through yet another Chris Brown performance. That alone deserves a round of applause.
In full disclosure, I didn’t even make it to the very end of the awards. I only watched so I could catch the NYSNC performance (that’s how MTV is keeping it relevant to us 30-somethings). After that, Drake came on and I realized I didn’t care anymore so I went to bed. Before 10 pm. Because I’m so hip and cool like that.