Mistaken Identities

Let’s see…I’ve been married about oh, 2.5 years now. Which means my bridal showers were approximately 3 years ago.

Ok, so 3 years ago, I had a bridal shower. I had three, actually, but that’s not important to this story. At one of these bridal showers, I received a gift from a relative – not sure which one anymore – but when I unwrapped it, it was a giant box of 40 Rubbermaid containers. It was a wonderful gift and entirely practical for a new bride-to-be. Not having an immediate use for them though, as I already had more than enough food storage containers in my cabinets, I put it away in a closet to be used when all of my current storage containers would mysteriously disappear. I don’t know where they go, but they do disappear. Kind of like socks. And money. And cookies. Anyway, one year, I found my box of Rubbermaid containers and considered giving it to one of my cousins for Xmas since she had just moved into her first place. At the last minute I decided against the regifting and shoved the box back in my closet.

Well, it’s been three years since I received this gift and today was finally the day that I decided I had lost enough food storage containers and was in desperate need of something plasticy to store something liquidy. I ran to the closet, grabbed the nearst pair of scissors and sliced open the box. Only, I did not find 40 Rubbermaid containers inside. I found a box full of crumpled paper towels. I picked one up, unwrapped it, and found a martini glass with a long stem but no base.  Kind of like these, but not as colorful:

Now, some might consider it a “SCORE!” kind of moment, but not me, and not when I’m rushing before work to find something plasticy to store something liquidy. The worst part was when I went to grab the larger paper-towel wrapped piece, I felt it break off into pieces. That’s right, the entire base that keeps all of these glasses from tipping over is broken, shattered, and completely destroyed. Perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to give someone such a breakable gift in a box that essentially says “indestructible!”. 

The funniest and yet strangest part of all of this is that this was one of TWO boxes of Rubbermaid that I received at my bridal showers. I returned the second one to Target. I hope someone else didn’t buy it and find embroidered dish towels instead.

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The three words that best describe you, are, and I quote: “Stink. Stank. Stunk.”

It’s only Tuesday and this week has already been rather unpleasant.  Allow me to bitch explain.

Let’s start with Monday morning at 6 a.m. when I awoke to massive cramping in my stomach area that I could only attribute to food poisoning. I knew better than to order a sub from Quizno’s just as they were closing but I was hungry and none of the other fast food joints sounded tasty. Now, Quizno’s will never sound tasty again. At least not the location nearest my house.

An hour later, still in pain, I managed to get up, shower and brush my teeth. Afterward, I stood in front of my closet butt ass nekkid with hair in a towel and realized that the actual effort of putting on clothes and make-up was going to be too much for me, so I emailed in sick to work, crawled back in bed, and listened to the Today Show as I wallowed in my own self-pity.

At 3:30 in the afternoon, I was still sick and still in bed, but now instead of just suffering from stomach pain, I had some kind of crazy back pain that forced me out of bed in search of my electric massager (and NO it is NOT a personal massager. It’s a big, giant BACK massager, thankyouverymuch you dirty minded people). So I moved to the couch for the remainder of the evening. And I had popcorn for dinner because it was the only thing I could stomach.

This morning, my stomach was still bothering me, though it was kind enough to stop with the constant stabbing, only coming in intervals of every 15 to 20 minutes. Intervals of pain = healthy enough to go to work. So I did. In 5 degree weather with ice and a thin layer of slush on the ground. Now, if I was the only one on the road at 8 a.m., this wouldn’t be a problem. It also wouldn’t be a problem if my windshield wiper fluid didn’t freeze up on me leaving me with a smeared and clouded piece of glass while driving 55 mph down the highway. Which means I either have to pull over at a gas station and squeegee it clean, or take paper towels and glass cleaner with me every where I go so I can wipe off my windshield in between commutes. In the dark. In 5 degree weather.

Dude, I fucking hate winter.

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My Wishlist

1. Twlight collection in hardcover (I’ve been borrowing my boss’ books). The good news is, a little bird told me that my in-laws have purchased this for me.

 2. Snowboots. I had to shovel the driveway last year (while fighting a bad case of bronchitis). These would’ve been nice to have:

3. A personal trainer. I’m sure my workouts* would be 10 times more intense if I had someone with abs of steel barking orders at me.

*this would imply that I actually work out. And I did…for awhile… but yesterday was the first time in about 2 months I’ve set foot in a gym. It’s pathetic. If only tummy tucks and lipo weren’t so… invasive.

4. Anything argyle

5. New dishes. I currently have two sets of dishes – hubby’s white and blue set from Wal-Mart, and my first anniversary (of dating) set from Bloomingdale’s that hubby bought for me in Chicago. Oddly enough, my expensive set from Bloomingdale’s has chipped and cracked while the Wal-Mart stuff has held up like steel. I’m leaning toward a purely white set like this white pearl set from Crate & Barrel (NOT pictured below) though if left to purchase them myself, will likely come from Target instead.

And thus concludes my wishlist for Xmas 2008.

Wait…it feels like I’m forgetting something…

Oh, right.

No list is complete without the Stamos.

There.  That’s better.

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A cappella

I drove to work this morning contemplating my favorite Xmas song. I turned the dial on the radio to the resident Christmas station – KEZK 102.5 – and I heard something that instantly transported me back to my college days (something I typically try to avoid, but this brought back one of the few happier memories).

In college, I listened to the usual college kid music, most notably Dave Matthews Band. What was completely new to me, however, was something called “a cappella.” It’s singing without instrumental accompaniment. My college even had it’s own a cappella group. And for a short time, we even had a women’s group too.

Now I know what you’re thinking. What does all this have to do with Xmas music? Well, every year, our a cappella group would put on an Xmas concert. I even bought their Xmas album. One of my favorite songs was their version of the Twelve Day of Christmas. Though genius as it was (to me at least), they were not the originators of the song a cappella style. The original arrangement was actually created by my all-time favorite a cappella group – Straight No Chaser. They’re from Indiana State University and began around 1996, I believe.

I heard them on the radio this morning talking about their recent record deal with Atlantic records and of course, this song.

The Africa by Toto reference at the end was tossed in because it was the group’s most requested song.

Though this is my favorite a cappella group, I have to be honest. I prefer the Twelve Days of Christmas performance of my own school’s group, but I admit that I’m biased because I knew half the guys in the ensemble. And for those of you just DYING to know what my all time favorite Xmas song is? Well, that’s still TBD, but I will tell you my all-time favorite a cappella song. My gift to you:

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My new favorite ornament

This week is flying by, more than likely because I spent Monday – Wednesday in North Carolina for work. I’m quite a fan of that state. What I am not a fan of is the Eastern time zone.

When I came home though, I was pleasantly suprised with a few Xmas cards and one very cool ornament for my tree.

Behold:

If you think that’s cool, look how nice it looks on my tree:

Want your own? Check out http://donkeygoods.com. You’re sure to find the perfect gift for the Dem in your family. Obviously, I fell in love with the ornaments. They’re ceramic and only $10! A friend of mine runs this little biz so I can guarantee that you’ll be nothing but pleased with your purchase. Check it out!

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He makes Mondays a little more bearable

But I could do without the cold, wet nose, especially in the winter time.

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