I had an epiphany today.
Remember this post? Where I’m all gloom and doom? (It’s okay if you don’t. I block out bad memories too.) Well, I was thinking about that and how I pretty much feel the exact same as I did then. So after work tonight, I sat in front of my computer and typed out a full-page, single spaced letter to my boss about all of my frustrations. I needed to write it at all out, just to get it organized in my own head so that when I sit down to talk to him, I don’t just blather on like a whiney idiot. I want to have well thought out points and proposed solutions. (e.g. I’m unhappy, here’s why I’m unhappy, and here’s how I think we can fix it.) I’m nothing if not practical. Once I finished writing, I sat there and stared at my page of words and jumbled thoughts. What the hell did I just write? It was a mess. Even I didn’t know what I was talking about. What a waste of time.
“Why can’t my boss just automatically know all this work I’m doing? I’ve been busting my ass for weeks now, and no one seems to notice but me. What does it take to get a “great job!” around here?”
And that’s when it hit me. The overwhelming urge to just grab a red pen and write across my letter “I JUST WANT A HUG!” (Okay, maybe not a REAL hug, but bear with me. I have a point.) It’s not the amount of work, the type of work, or anything at all to do with the actual work that’s making me unhappy. I’ve tried to blame my negativity on all of those things these last couple of weeks, but the truth is, I just crave a little positive reinforcement. I want to feel valued. I’ve been working in a silo for at least a month, working harder than I ever have before, with no one to tell me how I’ve been doing, good or bad. And that’s frustrating.
I’m a little embarrassed that something so seemingly insignificant has the power to impact my entire outlook on a project, but, there it is. And I just realized it. Today. After weeks of bitching and moaning and not really understanding why. And I’m telling you this because it honestly took me WEEKS to figure out that’s what’s wrong. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. But I know exactly what it will take to make me feel better.
So now my next question is, how do I get my boss to tell me I’m awesome without me telling him to tell me I’m awesome? (This is assuming of course that I am actually doing a good job, and hopefully not dropping balls and generally sucking.)
But... Will There Be Cake? 
Shit. I have no clue. I have not had a real honest to goodness talk with my boss in months. I’m such a downer, sorry.
That’s really tough to figure out. But I think it might be helpful to explain to your boss that you would like some feedback. But I’d make it more about you wanting to make sure you’re meeting expectations (which you totally are) – it will make it seem less like you’re asking them to say you’re awesome! Good luck!
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I hope your boss realizes how amazing you are! I always love hearing about your projects and expertise.
Well, my grandpa used to say, “If you don’t toot your own horn, it may go untooted.” Maybe you can just be sure your boss KNOWS what all you’ve been doing. A lot of times I’ll “cc” my boss on an e-mail just so she knows what a fabulous thing I’ve done. Of course my boss is a really touchy feely kind of person who will then always respond with, “Thanks for keeping me informed. You’re doing a great job!”
Hug!
It’s so tough to work in an environment that doesn’t offer you positive reinforcement. :-( Maybe it would help to sort of reprogram your idea of what your boss’s “praise” is? Maybe it’s just not saying anything. Or maybe it’s giving you extra work. Or maybe it’s giving you autonomy or a new responsibility. Those things can add to the stress, no doubt… But they could also be an indication that you’re doing great. Maybe if you can try to see those things as praise or positive reinforcement, you’ll start to feel better?
But I also think it’s never a bad idea to go in for a little “status update.” Just ask your boss if you could be doing anything better or differently – and wait for him to say, “hell no – you are doing everything just right!”