Archive for July 28th, 2010

The hard part

Uncertainty. That one word sums up much of my life right now. We could be on the brink of something really big – life-changing even – and yet, we may end up exactly where we are right now. I hesitate in talking in too much detail because I’m a tad superstitious and don’t want to jinx anything, but I’m also struggling with how to feel about it, about change. Change can be good – exciting, rewarding, eye-opening, and downright amazing. But change can also be bad – heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, anxiety-ridden, and guilt-stricken. And I feel all of these things right now – both good and bad. I’ve never been very good with big decisions. Perhaps it’s the Gemini shining through, but I always see two sides to every decision, so it’s difficult for me to make choices. Especially big ones. My mind is filled with the “what-ifs” and if everything doesn’t go exactly as planned, at the exact moment I’ve planned it, the entire thing will collapse like a house of cards. But I have faith, because whatever is meant to be will be. I’m willing to accept failure for trying, but I’m not willing to accept failure for NOT trying. Opportunities don’t always show up on your doorstep in a nice golden package with a kitten that poops rainbows. Most of the time, opportunities come with some heavy decision-making and difficult choices. It’s scary and sometimes risky, but that’s how you know it’s something worth doing.

I’ve consulted with a few close friends – because I know not everyone in my life will agree with my decisions – and one thing I’ve heard over and over is that we can’t make decisions based on others. We have to do what we feel is right for us and what will make us happy, even if it disappoints everyone else in our life.

So we’re moving forward, in baby steps, and seeing where life takes us.

Step 1: Sell our house.

More soon…

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