The Lucky Ones

I know it’s been baby,baby,baby over here lately but I wanted to take a moment to talk about something I have absolutely no business talking about, but I want to anyway.

Infertility. Or really any instance in which someone wants a baby but for whatever reason, can’t have one. Be it physical issues or situational.

I read A LOT of blogs. Some are mom blogs (that I’ve been reading LONG before we ever thought about having kids), some are design blogs, some are single-young-20-something blogs, and some are blogs of married couples that either don’t have kids or can’t. I’ve read some of the most heartbreaking posts of women struggling with infertility, miscarriage, infant loss, and worse. That doesn’t mean I know anything about actually being in that situation, but I’d like to think it’s kept me mindful of the people out there that are on a different walk of life, mostly not by choice, and has kept me grounded by remembering that we are so very, very lucky.

We’re lucky for a number of reasons. Lucky to have easily conceived. Lucky to have not miscarried. Lucky to have (so far, thank the Lord) had a relatively easy and healthy pregnancy. I’m nowhere near having a baby in my arms to snuggle just yet, but to know that we’ve made it this far is still more than some women and couples out there will ever experience. And while I know most people are genuinely happy for us, I know there are others who are secretly (or not so secretly) struggling with obstacles that are preventing them from growing their own family. So I can’t imagine being around me, or reading my blog, is easy. Hell, there are probably moms out there with three of four kids that puked their guts out for several weeks that probably hate me right now for not vomiting even once. And there are others out there who may already be pregnant or have a baby, except it cost them their entire life savings in fertility treatments to get there.

All this to say: I don’t take any part of this experience for granted. I wish that every woman that wanted to experience pregnancy had that ability. Crazy to think that some women would kill to be able to experience morning sickness, but I know I’d be right there with them if we were still trying to conceive. So for anyone out there struggling with these issues, know that I’m not completely insensitive to what you’re going through. My excitement might be annoying at times, but it’s only because I know just how lucky we are, and I’m so very thankful. And for other moms/expectant moms that got pregnant just from your husband/sigoth walking by you, know that you’re very lucky too. Even when you’re hurling your lunch, or taking your Colace, or on your second container of TUMS…you’re lucky. Because there are hundreds of thousands of women out there who would love to be in your shoes right now. Puke stains and all.

 

 

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First Doctor’s Appointment

Post written Oct. 25.

Today was a BIG day. I had my first doctor’s appointment to check things out with the baby. I took the day off from work thinking that if it was good news, I’d be on too much of a high to concentrate on work. And if it was bad news, well, going back to work might make me jump over the side of the building. Which would be a pretty bad thing seeing as how I work on the 20th floor. So, taking the day off seemed like the best option and I’m so glad I did it.

My appointment was at 10:30 a.m. and since I knew we’d most likely be getting our first ultrasound (“u/s” is how people on the BabyCenter message boards refer to it) I made sure the hubs took some flex time to go with me. I decided it would be more fun if we rode together so I left the house early to pick him up at work. The weather was absolutely gorgeous for late October. We’re talking 80 degrees, sunshine, breeze, and leaves falling everywhere. We took a quick spin through McDonald’s (yay for McD’s breakfast!) and headed over to my doctor’s office. Let me just say that I LOVE my doctor. She’s been my OBGYN since I turned 18 so I’ve always envisioned having her around for all these baby appointments. What I could do without, however, is the receptionist. Show up 15 minutes late and she acts like I’ve murdered her puppy and she’s going to seek revenge by threatening a rescheduled appointment. I get how annoying late people can be, but sometimes shit happens like traffic or a wrong turn or both. And when the doctor is already running behind schedule for other reasons, I think you can learn to cut a pregnant lady some slack! The end.

Anyway, we get there (15 minutes late) and wait. Once we’re called to the back, the nurse practitioner asked me to empty my bladder since they’re going to do the u/s first and they need to do it on an empty bladder. I wasn’t sure if they’d be doing a urine test or if they’d need a full bladder for the u/s so I definitely had to “empty my bladder.” After that, I replaced my pants with a paper sheet while the NP dimmed the lights. (Oooh mood lighting!) Then in went the little wand and almost immediately the NP said she could see the sack and then the baby. She took some measurements and said the baby was measuring at 8 weeks and 5 days (exactly like I thought) and that everything looked good. Ryan was leaning over me to see the screen. Then she flipped a switch and we heard a really loud rush with thumping. I knew it was the heartbeat but had to ask anyway. It wasn’t on long – maybe 10 seconds – but she said it was good and strong at 165 bpm. I couldn’t believe it. My baby’s HEART beating. That was probably the coolest part and I wish we could’ve listened to it longer. After that, she turned the screen and showed me the live feed of my uterus and then the baby. Hubby grabbed my hand at that point. She pointed at the head, the little arm and leg spuds, and the area of the heart. Then she printed out two little pictures for us to take with us.

We had to go back out in the waiting room for a bit until the doc could see us. When she did, it was a pretty short and sweet meeting. She went over the Down Syndrome/Trisomy testing option, asked me about the symptoms I was having, confirmed I’m taking the right things and told me to go ahead and cut out my calcium supplement since I’m getting that from my diet at the moment. She put my due date at May 30 and said to come back at 12 weeks for an over the tummy u/s and all the info on birthing options, classes, etc. She eased my mind about miscarriage saying that it was unlikely at this point and that everything looked good. Just had to do one more quick thing and do some blood tests and we were out of there with huge smiles on our faces.

It was definitely a good day.

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Say, how long does this first trimester crap last anyway?

Post written Oct. 24.

Tomorrow I have my first prenatal appointment. I’m told that there’s a strong chance they’ll perform an ultrasound and fingers crossed they do. Partially because of the peace of mind it will give and partially because I want to hear the heartbeat already. I’ve been waiting for this appointment for almost a month exactly and it seems like it’s taken forever to get here. Up until this point, I’ve had no other validation that I’m pregnant aside from the positive tests and the early signs (sore boobs, no period, nausea, etc.) Having a doctor officially say “Yep, you’re pregnant and it would appear you’re XX far along and everything looks normal” is really all I’m hoping for. Then the next big thing to wait for is for the first trimester to be over so I can officially let the word out at work and stop worrying about wearing clothes that don’t make me look pregnant. I’ve got a handful of dresses that I can’t wear right now because it accentuates the belly and I visibly LOOK pregnant in them. I probably always have, but now I’m aware and self-conscious of it so I’m avoiding them until I’m “out” about it.

I’m also ready for all this nausea to be over. I hate having the palette of a 12 year old boy – where nothing good for me sounds remotely good. The other night I was so sick and burping so much that I just had to go to bed. I felt better in the morning, but as soon as I try to eat something, the heartburn and gas is back with their friend nausea and I end up battling it all day long. It eases up just long enough for me to eat something every few hours – like bread or potatoes or chips – and then I’m back at square one. Ginger Ale helps a little but not enough to get rid of it. And I’m not drinking enough water to stay hydrated so I have to alternate Ginger Ale and water all day long. It’s quite exhausting really.

Oh and THIS! I think the fatigue has set in. After getting about 10 hours of sleep Friday night and Saturday night, I still fell asleep on the couch last night (Sunday) before 9:30pm. Just wiped out. I’d been feeling a little tired these last few weeks but not the fatigue and exhaustion I’ve heard about. Welp, it’s arrived. Yay me. I just hope I can stay up late enough to enjoy my own party on Saturday. It would probably seem pretty suspicious if I was all, “Alright guys, you have fun, but I’m gonna go to bed now. Lights out. Later.”

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