I was never much of a baby person. I always knew I wanted kids, but babies terrified me. I never wanted to hold anyone else’s baby, and just pulling into the parking lot of a Babies R Us was enough to give me a panic attack. I feared walking in there one day, on the hunt for a specific diaper cream from a friend’s registry, only to be found by the staff days later under a pile of breast pumps and monitors. (I didn’t say it was a rational fear.) When I was pregnant, I even overheard my mom say to someone, “Ryan finally talked her into having a baby.”
But deep down, I knew things would be different with my own baby. I just didn’t know how. I couldn’t picture it. In the days before birth, I remember sitting on the couch with my husband, trying to imagine a tiny baby all swaddled in a blanket and sitting there with us. I couldn’t. But here we are more than two months later and it just feels so…natural. And considering how awkward I’ve always been around babies, I guess I’m just surprised. Pleasantly surprised. I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s been easy by any means, but I guess I just didn’t expect to enjoy it this much. I mean, no one goes around saying how awesome it is to change diapers 15 times a day. Or wiping sour milk chunks off your shirt. Or spending those precious few minutes you get when the baby is sleeping washing bottles and pump parts. To an outsider who’s never gone though that, it sounds like the 9th circle of hell. But honestly? It’s not that bad. And I’m shocked, SHOCKED, that I’m the person saying that. Me, the assumed baby hater, apparently. (For the record, I’m not a baby hater. I’m not sure why my family thinks my husband had to “talk me into” having kids, because that’s totally not true AT ALL, but I guess it just illustrates how non-maternal I appear to be. To my own family. Awesome.)
Anyway, life is different now, yes. I mean, I’m sitting in bed on a Saturday night with my laptop writing a blog post. I know it all sounds very lame, but to be honest? I love it. And I’d probably be doing this with or without a new baby. You see, I’ve always been more of a homebody. I absolutely hated college in part because I felt so much pressure to attend frat parties and be social when I’d much rather stay in and hang out with a couple of friends in our PJs, watch movies, have a few drinks, and talk. Except back then, our conversations typically revolved around boys. And now, well, I guess they still revolve around boys, but the “boys” are my husband and son. So it’s easy to see why “mom blogging” became so popular several years ago. On social media, the only thing I ever seem to post about anymore is my baby. In fact, I was just about to send a tweet saying that my baby hasn’t pooped ALL DAY and so I think he’s cranky. But I stopped myself because who really cares? No one. Yet, I know one of the other sweet new moms would chime in to say something like “Really? My baby pooped 5 times today. Wanna trade?” Or “My baby didn’t poop for a day too, but then we had a poop-splotion the next day so BE PREPARED!” And that is why I love social media. Because there will always be someone willing to talk about poop with you.
And while we’re at it, I also considered tweeting about the fact that sometimes when I pump I only get 3 oz and sometimes 6 oz. What’s up with that, boobies?
When you don’t leave the house for days on end and your entire life suddenly revolves around this tiny, grunting thing, you find yourself craving social interaction yet you seem to have forgotten how to talk to people. (See aforementioned “poop” and “boobie” comments.) So you blog or you tweet and post pictures about what else? Your baby. And eventually, thanks to the magic of the internet, another new bleary-eyed mom comes along and comments. And then another. And another. And suddenly? Community. And with it, a little bit of sanity. It’s a beautiful thing really, if you think about it. I’ve watched it happen from afar. I read the “popular” mom bloggers, all with kids around 7 years old now. I thought that once I had a baby, I’d have this immediate connection with other moms. Finally, I’d be one of them! But while my blog posts, Facebook and Twitter have been completely overrun by all things baby, I still don’t really feel like a mom. Only when I talk to other new-ish moms do I feel some sort of connection on that level. I guess it will take awhile before all of those diaper commercials will feel like they’re targeting me. In the meantime, I’m going through a bit of identity confusion. I feel like the same person, even though all I talk about is baby stuff. And yet, I feel like I’m more interesting now, even though I know some people get annoyed by the non-stop baby updates.
So I guess what I’m saying is, that despite my previous declarations to not be one of those people who constantly blogs about their baby and therefore becomes a “mom blogger”, well….I also said I’d start eating better but this second glass of chocolate milk tastes SO GOOD! So I’m going to embrace it and this post is just me, putting it out there that yes, from now on, a good majority of my posts will probably involve my baby. If that’s not your bag, I get it. I really do. But I’ve always used this blog as a way to document what’s going on in my life and as of right now, he’s what’s going on. And I kind of like it.
Obligatory photo of baby that mom bloggers typically post: