Now that I’m nearing the end of my second pregnancy, I feel like I have a lot of experience (practically 20 months worth) about what is and is not appropriate to say to a pregnant woman. Most of us have read (or even written) the articles and blog posts schooling people on this topic too. We’ve heard the complaints from friends and can’t believe some of the things that come out of the mouths of co-workers, acquaintances, and complete strangers.
But in my experience? The most offensive people are the ones closest to me. My family and my husband’s family. And it’s even more infuriating because when it’s family, I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. With strangers, I could come back with a snarky comment, ignore them, or just flat out lie to them to get them to shutup. “Are you sure there aren’t two in there?” Actually, there’s three.
But with family? You can’t lie. And depending on who it is, you also can’t yell at them for fear of coming off as the crazy, hormonal pregnant lady that’s overreacting. And sometimes you’re even more pressured to share otherwise-private and privileged information, which then opens the gates to even more unwanted commentary.
Here’s just a sampling of some of the things that have been said to me by our relatives:
“You’re pregnant? Oh no…”
“You’re pregnant AGAIN? Oh no… Well, I just hope this one is a girl.”
“It’s a boy? Aw I really wanted a girl!!”
“The next one better be a girl!”
“You should name him <insert a bunch of horrible names here>”
“What will his name be? Oh. I had an uncle with that name and he was nuttier than a fruitcake.”
“What will his name be? Well why would you name him that when neither of those names are family names?”
But the one thing that’s ruffled my feathers more than anything else happened today when a well-meaning relative posted a comment on my Facebook page, using my future son’s name. As in “Can’t wait for <NAME>’s arrival! Hope you’re feeling okay!”
Sounds harmless, right? But we haven’t announced his name yet and I have zero plans of doing so until he’s born.
If you’re privileged enough to know the name ahead of time, don’t go posting it on social media for everyone to see when it hasn’t been announced to the whole friggin’ world yet. Just because I told you (or another relative told you) doesn’t mean we’ve shared it with everyone.
I immediately deleted the comment. And now I know why people keep the name a secret until he/she is born.
What’s the most offensive/annoying thing someone has said to you while pregnant?