When you were a kid, did you ever run off from your parents in a department store and hide under the clothes racks or behind giants stacks of toilet paper on the stock shelves? Man that was fun. Until your mom freaks the fuck out because she can’t find you and thinks child abductors stole you so she starts running around the store screaming your name in a tone so unnatural you’re scared to come out.
This happened to me a few times. And if my mom was freaked out enough, once she found me, I usually got a couple of good smacks. And I don’t mean kisses.
I was always so confused by her behavior. Why would my mother, who clearly loves me and is worried about me, smack the crap out of me once she realizes I’m okay? Shouldn’t she be happy? Hugging me and telling me how worried she was? What’s with all the anger? I thought I would need to become a parent to understand this sort of reaction, but I was wrong. I just needed to become a wife with a forgetful husband.
My husband, who is traveling, forgot to call me last night for the first time ever in the history of our marriage. Not a huge deal except that he also forgot to turn his ringer back on after an afternoon meeting yesterday. Put those two things together and you have one stressed out wife who spends her entire night calling/texting/emailing and thinking in detail about all the various scary scenarios that could be keeping her husband from contacting her (a turned off ringer never once entered my mind. I didn’t even think he knew how to do that!) I may or may not have emailed his boss who is on the road with him, and also a former co-worker asking for boss’ phone number. I may or may not have also called the place that he is staying only to find out that it is not a hotel, but a furnished apartment and therefore they do not have front desk clerks that can go check on your husband’s room at 4:30 a.m.
So here I sit, stewing in anger, exhausted from getting maybe three hours of sleep all night, and knowing that if my husband were here right now, I’d punch him in the gut.
But only because I love him.